THE BRAIN AS A PLASTIC PURSE

How many times have we had to defend ourselves and our actions to friends and family? “How could you have taken him back? Why would you let him move back in?”

“But you don’t understand … he’s not well … we understand each other better now … I think we can make it.”

How do we describe watching a behavioral mental disorder progressively take its course through our partner … our lives … our families? In response to the thought of living with someone with a mental problem, one of my friends said, “I don’t do moody.”

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Just don’t do moody in our relationships – cut these people out – and everything will be fine.

But what about the illness part … the disorder part? What about the disorder that was so well hidden that we didn’t know it was there until we were in so deep we couldn’t get out with a simple snap of the fingers?

Some of us vowed “in sickness and in health.” If our partners had come down with cancer, would we leave them? Then why would we abandon them if they become emotionally and mentally ill in front of us? For the most part, the disorder is hidden and doesn’t surface until emotional intimacy triggers it. So until we come into their lives, it doesn’t show itself.

They have an illness that’s not apparent to the naked eye. Organically, there’s something very wrong with their brain – both chemically and cognitively. Unfortunately, our brains aren’t like the plastic purses some women carry around – where we can see all the contents inside. The misunderstanding, lack of education, fear and stigma surrounding mental illness still remain immense in our world.

It’s still difficult for me to accept that unless my friends and family have “walked a mile in my moccasins,” they’ll never understand or be tolerant of my journey nor that of my former BPD partner – whether that partner ever gets well or not. In their ignorance, they’ll continue to tend to look down on us and judge.

My strength comes in knowing that I’m walking a higher road than is visible to most. I’m taking the steps I need to protect myself and my family. I’m setting firm boundaries, learning all I can about the disorder, talking to a mental health professional for my support and guidance, attending support groups, caring for my physical health, and nurturing my emotional health. Doing battle with the Beast requires careful, disciplined preparation.

GOD, FOR TODAY, help me to remember that everyone is on a journey of learning and awareness here on this earth. Some of us have been thrust further ahead than others because of the circumstances in our lives. Therefore, we “walk to a different drummer.”

Help me to stay in step with my journey, walking in my moccasins to the beat of the drum I hear. I know I will receive guidance and comfort along the way and the strength to keep walking, wherever I am being led.