Introduction

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a crippling disorder, not only for the person that is diagnosed but for friends and family that care for that person as well. The pain that this disorder brings stretches far and wide, consuming and creating absolute chaos for everything and everyone in its path. Parents, spouses, and children are all thrown into this whirlwind of destruction, feeling alone to wonder if there is anything they can do. Where do they start? Where does it end? Is there any hope?

In the absence of complete research studies and the little information that is actually known about treating this disorder, there is even less information known to assist those which are affected by the connection of family and friendship ties. This is the purpose of this book.

After being told of our significant other’s diagnosis, many of us ran to the bookstore or library expecting to find a collection of titles that could explain in layman’s terms what Borderline Personality Disorder is, and how it effects us as the people that care about the diagnosed person. However, when we checked the shelves, all we found were very technical books that required a doctorate degree to interpret or books that focused on the Borderline’s experience. We also found that many of the books written for people diagnosed with BPD were very general and did not present the hard facts of the disorder. They seemed to pull a lot of punches when it came to explaining the severity of the behavior that we were experiencing in our relationships. What is the reason for this? Quite simply, the books that are written for people diagnosed with BPD traditionally present the information in a very soft manner so the diagnosed person will finish the book rather than being scared by the true ugliness of this disorder, thus causing them to close the book.

As those that are being so seriously affected by the person with this disorder and having a desire to understand it, we want true, honest answers about what is happening in our lives. We want no punches pulled. We want information given to us straight.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idolization and devaluation.

You are her knight in shining armor, her savior, and the man of her dreams. You are everything she ever wanted. She brags about you to friends and family, saying you are the perfect husband, the most wonderful father, you are the light of her life. You walk around proud that your partner loves you so much and that she has placed you on a pedestal for the world to see. Then one day she looks at you with disgust in her eyes, accuses you of having affairs, you are a controlling father, and terrible lover. Guess what my friend you have just been “Split”.

Splitting is the process in which a person diagnosed with BPD alternates between adoring and loathing the person they are emotionally close to. The BPD sees the world in terms of black and white, good and evil, completely right and completely wrong.

Self Blaming

We Ozzies are so used to hearing the person with BPD blame us, accuse us, and tell us everything is our fault, we begin to actually believe them. We start to believe that if only we did something different, said something different, or adjusted our behavior in some way, the person we care about would not be so hostile towards us. We begin to take responsibility for their anger and internalize it as something that we caused and have control over. The truth of the matter is that a person with BPD responds to us with hostility not because what we did was so bad, but because he feels so bad about himself. Many times the hostile response has absolutely nothing to do with us, even though the BPD is able to point to some obscure incident involving you to claim that you are the root to his anger.

Ozzies need to recognize that they did not give or create the person’s Borderline Personality Disorder condition. Yes, the person may tell you that you caused their pain or their disorder, but you need to realize that it is not true. The person with BPD is a confused person looking for someone to blame for his circumstances