BPD Checklist

1. Does your partner tell you how wonderful you are, then how awful you are?
2. Does your partner also talk about other people like this? One minute they're just the best in the world and the next they're garbage?
3. Have you ever dreaded going home for fear of your partner's mood?
4. Do your partner's moods shift so rapidly that sometimes you just never know what to expect?
5. Has your partner ever threatened to harm you or to harm his/herself or your children or pets or possessions? Has your partner ever followed through on any of these threats?
6. Does your partner sometimes confuse their actions with yours – for example, does s/he shout and then ask you to lower your voice? Broken something, then accused you of breaking it?
7. Does your partner forget their actions or words during moments of extreme emotion?
8. Does your partner have a substance abuse problem? Does your partner have a gambling or spending problem? Does your partner have another type of addiction such as sex, pornography, being "on line", etc.?
9. Do you see much less of your family and friends now than before you met your partner?
10. Does your partner monitor whom you can see or talk to and when?
11. Does your partner’s memory seem very selective, especially under stress? Does your partner break or deny agreements you’ve made? Deny promises? Forget entire conversations that were important to you?
12. Does your partner always seem to be in conflict with someone?
13. Do you have arguments with your partner that spiral out of control, no matter how much you personally want to reach agreement?
14. Do your discussions seem to deteriorate into “blame” sessions? Are the problems in your partnership all yours? Are you often confused about the nature of the problems under discussion?
15. Do you sometimes feel like your partner's bad parent? Do you sometimes feel like your partner's bad child?
16. Does your partner keep “tokens” - things that belong to you but are appropriated by your partner? For example, if your partner leaves home on a trip, does s/he take photos or other objects that remind them of loved ones?
17. Has your partner ever kept you awake to have or continue an argument? Has your partner ever awakened you to have an argument?
18. Does your partner show very bad behavior in private but not or seldom in public? Does your partner worry excessively about the opinion of others?
19. Has your partner ever hurt your feelings so much that you decided to leave but didn't? Do you worry about what might happen to your partner if you leave this relationship? Do you worry about leaving your children in your partner’s custody in case of a divorce?
20. Does your partner keep control over all the money? Are you able to have money that you don't have to account for exactly how it's spent?
21. Does your partner have rituals about common household duties or belongings? Insist that there is only one way to do routine chores? Does s/he get upset out of proportion if these rituals or routines are disrupted?
22. Does your partner misquote snippets of conversation or remarks that you made months or even years before? Does your partner remember family stories very differently than you do?
23. Do you sometimes feel that when you are “out of sight” you cease to exist for your partner? For example, if you go away overnight, out of the room, or to a neighbor’s house for a visit, does your partner seem to forget you exist?
24. Do you experience periods of hypervigilance, despair, or exhaustion when you are dealing with problems caused by your marriage?
25. Have you ever felt like a prisoner in your own home?

If you've identified 2 or more behaviors on this checklist, you may be living with someone that suffers from BPD.