Guidelines for the Land Of OZ email list

Welcome to LandOfOz (LOO).

Our list is for those who have had someone in their lives who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), BPD traits, or a similar disorder. It is hoped that by sharing our experiences and feelings with others on this list that we can gain a greater understanding of BPD and similar disorders, greater understanding of ourselves, and gain support from each other.

If you have any questions about these guidelines, please contact the Moderators at LandOfOz-owner@yahoogroups.com.

1. SENDING AND REPLYING TO MESSAGES:

To send an email, simply address it to LandOfOz@yahoogroups.com. This means that everyone on the list will get a copy of your email.

If you would like to reply to an email, the default for this list is set up so that when you hit "reply to all" button, the email goes to the entire group. If you hit the "reply" button, your email will only go to the person that sent the email to the list.

Please try to delete the footers and headers to save "band width". Try to put something relevant in the "subject" line of your emails to alert people to what you want to say.

2. TOPICS OF DISCUSSION:

Please try to keep topics in LandOfOz about Ozzie issues. There is another list, AboutOz@yahoogroups.com, for other subjects, including changes that you'd like to see in LOO, virus warnings or controversial subjects. If the moderators feel that the topic is not in keeping with this guideline, we may ask that you take the discussion to AboutOz.

3. PRIVACY:

The protection of everyone's privacy in this community is of paramount importance. If you'd like your personal email address to be confidential, please go to Yahoo.com, Hotmail.com, Altavista.com, or another similar site that offer web-based email and create an anonymous mail address for yourself.

No one is required to discuss their private lives. Some people in the group are "lurkers," in that they receive support by listening and not talking. There are also people in LOO who need to protect their privacy and the privacy of those in their lives. Remember that many members post anonymously for these reasons.

4. GIVING ADVICE:

Please feel free to share how you've coped or what has worked for you personally on the list. Share your concerns and ask all the questions you want. Please be cautious about making over-generalizations or blanket statements about BPDs or telling someone what they "should" or "shouldn't" do. It's important to remember that although there are often striking similarities in the issues and concerns of Ozzies in the group, that each individual's situation is highly personal and different. Try not to over-generalize and keep your focus on your own feelings and your own situation. If you think that someone is making a generalization, please try not to take it personally and point this out to the person in a nice way. We strongly suggested that you work with your own counselor or therapist about how to proceed on the specifics of your situation.

5. FLAMING:

Flaming or flames are nasty, yelling, sarcastic statements or name calling. Yelling can sometimes be flaming, so it's important NOT to type your email in all capitol letters... it's fine to capitalize a word or words that are very important... but no one wants to be yelled at. If someone flames you, do NOT flame back. This is like pouring gasoline on a fire. If you get repeated messages that are flaming, please let the moderators know.

LandOfOz is meant to be a safe environment for everyone. Repeated flaming or violating the safety of this list can get you kicked off the list.

6. DIVERSITY:

LOO is a diverse international culture. We have many races, creeds, value systems and beliefs here. Please remember that your values and beliefs may not be shared by everyone in LOO... yet we want everyone to be able to feel comfortable about their own values and beliefs.

7. BEING JUDGMENTAL:

Please remember that everyone in LOO is on their own path. Some people leave their significant other; others do not. It can often be difficult if you have left an abusive relationship, for example, and someone else has not. We are all at different places, have different situations, and have different considerations and backgrounds. Try not to be judgmental about how another person lives their life. If you are judgmental,then people in the group will not feel safe. Try to be gentle about your approach. Violence is not tolerated by most members. If you are in a violent relationship, expect to get feedback about the importance of getting out of the relationship and to a safe place. Also, if you have children that are being physically, emotionally or psychologically abused, expect to get feedback about the importance of getting them to a safe place, too.

8. ROMANCE:

Again, remember that off-list communication and behavior is beyond our control. There have been rare occasions in the past where some individuals have used the group to find needy people to lead on. WE DO NOT TOLERATE PREDATORY BEHAVIORS and such behavior will result in expulsion and banning from the group! Please be very careful about sharing personal information off-list! If you are suspicious about an individual's behaviors, please let the Moderators know immediately. Although we can not control such behaviors, we do need to know when there may be a predatory individual in the group so that we can monitor the situation.

9. ANGER AND BLAMING:

Because of the nature of BPD and associated disorders, many list members can be very angry because of the pain, betrayal, and abuse they're received. Ozzies may talk about their anger and pain. Sometimes other Ozzies may feel that these people are being too hard on the borderline and not taking responsibility for their own behaviors. While we realize that this may be painful or triggering to some, we feel it is beneficial for most Ozzies. This Anger phase is a phase that most Ozzies go through while healing.

10. BORDERLINES ON THE LIST:

There may be, from time to time, individuals with BPD in the group. This is because they may also have someone in their own life with BPD. This is one of the reasons that we call the people in LOO "Ozzies" rather than "nons."

It has been our experience that those Ozzies who have BPD have worked diligently on their issues and have much to offer the group. It is also a way for all Ozzies to experience that everyone with BPD is not "mean," "cruel," "manipulative," etc. The borderlines in the group have offered great insights and education about what they have experienced, and have helped many people to have a better understanding of BPD.

11. BOUNDARIES:

If anyone sends you inappropriate materials that you have not requested or do not want, please tell the person that you don't want such materials or emails. If the person continues, please let the Moderators know immediately. There are ways to block unwanted emails and we can provide that information to you. Harassment is not tolerated.

12. DIAGNOSING:

Some folks in LOO have a diagnosis of some kind. Some significant others may also have received an "official" diagnosis from a qualified mental health professional. PLEASE remember that many people who may be referred to as having BPD, BPD traits, etc., or other disorders may NOT have received an official diagnosis because they have not gone to a professional yet or refuse to go. Many Ozzies refer to their loved one as \cf1 being "borderline" or a "BP'. This is all right, but remember that we are assuming that the individual meets the diagnostic criteria and that it may appear that they have a disorder.

However, it is NOT all right for anyone in our community to "label" or "diagnose" anyone in LOO. Diagnosis via email is simply not possible, even for a qualified mental health professional. If you have any concerns about someone in LOO, please contact Elyce about this.

13. CONFIDENTIALITY:

Confidentiality is important to everyone on the list. The subject matter discussed here is highly personal and needs to be kept as confidential as possible to maintain a strong sense of trust in the community. You are responsible for what you say here. You are expected to keep the information that you read as confidential as possible. It is not all right to share people's names or email addresses with anyone or any entity outside of this group. Try not to use people's real names if you're sharing information with the group about a therapist, friends, etc. If you're sharing information about someone in your life, do not to use their real name. This is an open forum. We cannot control who may join and read what you say here.

Only reveal what you are comfortable in revealing about yourself or anyone else in your life. If by some chance, you find someone that you know in the community, please let them know privately. If you have any concerns about this, just contact Elyce.

14. PROBLEMS:

Whenever the Moderators believe there has been a violation of the guidelines, or the "spirit" of the guidelines, the following protocol will occur as closely as possible. This protocol is to designed to protect our community and NOT to censor any list member.

This protocol occurs off-list and as privately as possible. If you have any questions or concerns about how a situation is being handled, please email the Moderators directly.

Again, please remember that serious violations of these guidelines can mean that you can be placed on moderated status, unsubbed, and in severe cases, banned from the group. Your membership in LandOfOz means that you have read these Guidelines and agree to them.

Thanks for being here...and Welcome to Oz!

:) Elyce

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DISCLAIMER:

Land Of Oz, About Oz and www.nonbpd.org are sponsored by YBRT Inc., a tax exempt, public foundation. These are free public services. These sponsored groups are NOT intended in any way to be a substitute for professional medical, psychological or legal advice. The statements made by contributors to the LandOfOz and AboutOz discussion groups are those of the contributor(s) alone. Such statements are not endorsed by YBRT Inc., nor does YBRT Inc. control their content. Please keep in mind that discussions on LandOfOz or AboutOz are often the product of an open debate and conflicting views.

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